I’m sure most of you have noticed the stark difference between my filming schedule and production between June and July. I updated with a brand new clip literally every day in June. And it was awesome! I was filming a couple times a week and editing in giant batches. It was great for me, and obviously it was great for you 😉
I want you to know that part of what changed was switching to a new day job. One that pays more and demands more hours. I knew that switching from part time to full time would take a toll – but I didn’t realize that the difference between not minding my work and being driven crazy by work would have such an overarching effect on the rest of my life. People close to me know that I worked in a borderline professionally abusive situation for about a year and a half (and abuse is NOT a term I throw around lightly!). This job isn’t even on the same scale as that one, but that’s really not saying much.
It’s not just that I spend more time every day at work than I was. It’s that I don’t have a set schedule (which drives me fucking crazy) and that the time commitment of having a job I dislike reaches beyond the time I’m clocked in. It takes longer for me to decompress when I get home. I’m crankier, and therefore less motivated. I’m interacting less on social media because all that’s on my mind is bitching about my job, which I think can get tacky really quickly. And my emotional energy is drained.
I’m sharing this because I think it’s important to note that sex workers have lives outside of the industry. And that for many of us, and definitely for me, they have strong influences on each other. Whether it’s personal shit, professional shit, or something else… there’s a lot of factors that play into how my work as a fetish performer gets done.
Y’all mostly see me in happy-flirty-kinky-mode, but it’s a hell of a lot harder to be in that mindset when I’m angry and frustrated for a good 4 hours every day. And that sucks. For all of us.
To end on a happy note – I’m leaving said frustrating situation. I had a job interview for a full time position that would ROCK MY WORLD (*fingers crossed*) last week, and even if that doesn’t work out I can go back to the part time work I had. It’s barely enough to survive on… but it frees me up for more filming time to supplement that income! I don’t deserve to be treated badly by anybody. And I’m lucky enough to not need to stay where I’m at. Having options is a privilege, and I’m going to flex that privilege so hard this week.
With that… cheers to a better August than July!Posted on: July 15, 2013Lauren Kiley